As a native Dane, I have been suppressed my whole life by “hygge” – it feels like  a brown slimy gas, a fake social glue, a hidden command to to doing nothing and having empty, too-polite PC conversations around a table filled with wholesome Eco-gourmet food and organic dissolvers, such as snaps, the Danish tequila.Some marketing geniuses hype pro-hygge sentiments to the trend-hungry masses and export this repressive norm/state of mind/virus — and all its accessories — to the whole world — probably sponsored by the Danish tourist counsel, Fritz Hansen, Mærsk, Bestseller, Novo, Carlsberg, Mads Mikkelsen, H.C. Andersen, Aqua, Lego, or some butter-filled cookie company owned by a diabetic. 

But hello – hygge is a lie, a bourgeois trap — putting Danes into a fake trance void of ambient Nordic soft jazz chilling around a fireplace fed with unread “clever” magazines dressed in uniformly dark minimal earthtoned clothes.

The hygge rules: DON’T talk about feelings, avoid problems as they  become “interesting challenges” in hygge newspeak. Talk about the weather, your discreetly branded clothes, and most importantly, the next meal and its oh-so-authentic origins. Remember Denmark is a concentration camp of repressed feelings and hidden agendas. – Healthy critique – a potential source of innovation – is seen as a party killer and a sign of mental imbalance…Hygge is social heroin, a warm, cozy but conflict-free numb feeling, a lie to avoid reality and action. Please dear international readers: don’t follow this fake habit-forming retro fad, or am I just paranoid? Maybe its the sweet inevitably nauseating stench of Christmas..

Hygge is another term for “boring”. The world assume that we, the Danish, are the happiest people in the world. It’s not a compliment – it’s infuriating! We are not! We are grumpy and intoxicated! Anyone who claims we are happy, surely has met us on one of the rare – maximum 10  -sunny, above 20 degrees Celsius days we get  – a year. And honestly, these people should know that on such manic sun-drenched days, we cannot be trusted. We are hypnotized by the strange, magical thing in the sky called the sun.

And to really burst your bubble; We actually have the highest suicide numbers in the world (bragging a little) -take that, idiotic “hygge” book authors out there.

Hell is where the hygge is. 


The ultimate scandinavian hygge fortress